It's been a week of deep thoughts. My dear hubby is out of town for work, I'm on a recovery week so not running as much as usual and Erika died.
All of this has lead to some deep thoughts on whether I've actually contributed anything to this world. I consider myself to be a good mother, a good wife, a pretty good lawyer, and a woman of faith. But if I were to die at a young age, would I have made a difference to anyone? Would anyone think about my life and death as anything but a tragedy because it was cut short?
Am I selfish or giving? Am I living every day to the fullest or just getting by? Am I doing good things for others or only when it somehow (even if only in a small way) benefits me? Do I even notice the blessings and gifts handed to me each day or am I too distracted by my own worries (which are usually pretty insignificant in the scheme of things) to notice? If I were to die young, would people say that I lived a lifetime in the time that I had and that I had touched so many other lives? Would it cause anyone to stop and think about how they were living their life and whether they should be doing something more meaningful? Would I leave behind a good example for my kids for how to live each day meaningfully?
While I have no doubt that God has a plan for all of us, I can't help but think that somehow part of his plan for Erika was that she would touch many lives with her death (including mine), like she did every day of her life. Ultimately, it comes down to this: what changes do I need to make in my life to have that kind of positive impact on others? What has God already led me to, and what is his plan for me going forward? Feet of Faith was a great start, and will be continued, but I know there is more in store. I suppose for now, I just have to keep searching and stay open to discovering it.
And for the record, I have no reason to believe I'm going to die anytime soon . . .